‘No rush!’ insists girl with no legs lying under Gazan rubble

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British Parliamentary procedure has received words of encouragement from half a six-year-old girl in southern Gaza this morning.

Speaking from underneath the rubble of her family home, Amina urged MPs to ‘take all the time they need’ in drafting a motion that fully protects everyone’s re-election prospects and lucrative campaign contributions.

“I fully appreciate just how difficult an issue this is for anyone seeking to retain control of Batley and Spen, or Litchfield, especially when under the intolerable pressure from woke extremists who’d rather my family and legs were still attached to our bodies,” she explained.

Amina’s supportive sentiments have been widely echoed by other children in Gaza, including Mehan, a three-year-old boy with grievous facial wounds and no surviving relatives.

“I think I speak for all Palestinian toddlers when I say that the wording of any motion calling for a ceasefire needs to be carefully triangulated in order to provide plausible media soundbites for those defending marginal constituencies,” he said.

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“And it absolutely must reiterate Israel’s right to defend itself from the threat posed by women, children, doctors, paramedics, university lecturers, journalists and aid workers,” he continued.

One nine-year-old girl, found drinking from a puddle, had particular scorn for the insensitivity of any motion that suggested Israel’s bombardment – that has killed more than 29,000 mostly women and children in the last four months – amounts to the war crime of ‘collective punishment’.

“What absolute nonsense,” she said, adding “I personally voted for Hamas back in 2006. And so did my mother who was my age at the time.”

“But, as Amina said, it’s absolutely essential that they take their time to find the right balance of toothless and equivocating language, and we should respect that.

“After all, those were her dying words.”