Wellingborough voters facing historic opportunity to reject cronyism by giving disgraced MP’s job to his girlfriend

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Wellingborough voters are today being given the historic opportunity to reject the behaviour of their disgraced former MP, Peter Bone, by giving his cushy job to his girlfriend, Helen Harrison.

The opportunity comes after Bone lost his parliamentary seat following an investigation that found him guilty of bullying and sexual misconduct, prompting the Conservative Party to take a firm stand against such behaviour by nominating his partner to stand in his seat.

As voters head to the polling station in the by-election, a Conservative spokesperson told voters, “As part of our unwavering commitment to combating cronyism and ensuring fresh leadership, we’re excited to support Helen Harrison as our candidate for Wellingborough.

“After all, who better to bring about positive change for the people of Wellingborough than someone who has been, quite literally, closest to the problem?”

Harrison, who is eager to step out of the shadow of scandal and into the light of the same office her partner worked in, shared her vision for Wellingborough, promising “a new era of integrity and transparency,” which critics have noted sounds suspiciously similar to the dinner table conversation at the Bone-Harrison household.

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Voters in Wellingborough have expressed a mix of confusion and amusement at their choices. One local remarked, “It’s like someone punching you on the nose, then that same person offering you a tissue to stem the bleeding. It’s wonderfully British.

“I’ve always wondered what it must be like to live in a banana republic where the ruling party simply tries to install their friends and family into all the top jobs.

“Turns out it’s pretty crap and the weather’s still shit.”