UK economy joins the Wokerati

author avatar by 2 months ago

The UK economy has officially joined the ranks of the “Wokerati,” after plunging into recession in the fourth quarter of 2023 as it reportedly spent too little time on economically productive activities like exploitation and ignoring climate change.

Conservatives across the nation are rallying behind the slogan “go woke, go broke,” blaming the economic downturn entirely on the public’s ongoing urge to be decent human beings, instead of focussing on their societal role of being nothing more than moist economic productive units at the behest of the wealthy.

As one right-wing mouth-breather explained in an obvious pitch for their own GBeebies show, “Companies are spending too long focussing on whether they have gender neutral bathrooms instead of finding new and creative ways to exploit their customers – so of COURSE we’re in recession.

“The only time anyone should be discussing ‘diversity’ is when my investment banker is discussing my investment portfolio.

“You could ask business leaders why they think we’re in recession, but they’re probably all busy attending a workshop called ‘The Economic Benefits of Understanding Everyone’s Pronouns’.

However, business leaders have found time to talk, with one telling us, “It’s pretty simple, the government has created an increasingly hostile environment in which it’s increasingly difficult to thrive.

“From the last PM almost bankrupting the entire nation, to the current one doing nothing to mitigate the issue of them introducing trade barriers with our closest and biggest trade partners.

“Asking why we’re in recession would be like asking a sprinter why he came last after tying his shoelaces together.

“It’s absolutely f**king obvious to everyone who isn’t wearing a blue rosette.”

Member of the Wokerati – get the T-shirt!