American suggests that flavour of tea can be improved with bacon and guns

author avatar by 2 weeks ago

American cooking enthusiast Constance P. Thunderclap has suggested that the flavour of the humble cup of tea can be improved with the addition of the classic American staples of crispy bacon and guns.

“Well, hot dang! I love England, with your Queen and your bangers and mash and your Scottish highlands and, of course, your cups of tea,” exclaimed Constance.

“I love those little old cups of tea, and I sure-as-shootin’ know how much you love those cups of tea. So, I used some good old-fashioned American common sense to make them taste even better for y’all.”

She then went on to explain how to make the so-called ‘perfect’ cup of tea.

“Alrighty, you simply boil up some water, then add a tea-bag. Now, normally, y’all would leave that teabag for a minute or so. What I would recommend instead is that you take three or four pieces of crispy bacon and you crumble that up there real small into that cup right there with the water and the teabag. Then use another piece of crispy bacon to stir that tea right up. Now you leave it for a minute.

“Now, after you’ve left that lovely old tea and bacon flavour to infuse with the hot water, I want you to leave that little old milk in the cooler and instead, you add a gun to the tea to give it that real intense flavour of guns. 

“Now you try that good old American cup of tea, and I guarantee that you’ll never look back.”

Ms Thunderclap is already under investigation by MI6 for recent suggestions that fish and chips could be improved with the addition of corn-dogs and evangelical christianity. It is understood that, following her new pronouncements on cups of tea, they have now opened up extradition talks with the US for her to face trial.