Tucker Carlson is recovering well in hospital after he was saved by rescue workers who climbed deep inside Vladimir Putin’s colon to recover him.
Carlson, who had become lost and disorientated up the arse of Putin during their exclusive interview, was said to be moments from losing consciousness due to a lack of the oxygen of publicity, but quick-thinking medics pulled him out by his ankles.
Rescuer Simon Williams told us, “There is always a danger in situations like this when sycophantic arse-kissing escalates into something much more dangerous.
“One minute Tucker was lobbing soft-ball questions to the Russian leader about his common sense approach to government, the next minute Putin was stood bent over his desk and all we could see were Tucker’s legs waving frantically from the knee down.
“Deeper and deeper he went, presumably looking for that perfect question that was a mix of a compliment towards Putin’s no-nonsense attitude to transgender issues and subtle criticism of the current American government – and I imagine Putin was perfectly happy letting him have a root around up there for a question like that.
“It was scary for a moment, but Tucker is delighted he can now say he’s the first Western journalist to delve so deep inside Putin’s colon that he could tell you what he had for breakfast.”
Meanwhile, despite recovering well, it is believed Carlson is not entirely happy with the Putin interview after medics heard him complain, “Shit, I think I’ve lost a cufflink up there.”