If you don’t like my principles, well, I have others, confirms Starmer

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After ditching Labour’s flagship £28bn green spending plan, Sir Keir Starmer has told voters that if they don’t like his principles, then he has others.

As the Labour leader continues his election strategy of ‘not being the Tories’, Starmer has decided to break with tradition and ditch an electoral pledge before he’s even elected.

Starmer told reporters, “The best thing about principles, is that you can change them all the time. They’re not set in stone, like, say Ed Miliband’s 2015 election pledges.

“There is an old saying that you should never interrupt your enemy while they’re making a mistake. Well, we’ve proven this to be very true over the last few years, so I thought I’d keep it interesting by reneging on an election promise up front, and seeing what effect it has.

“My guess is that it will have no effect whatsoever because despite what you think of me, the other side is still so desperately incompetent that I look completely wonderful by comparison.”

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Meanwhile, the Tories have yet to comment because they’re still firefighting against the fallout from the prime minister mocking trans murder victims, and making cash bets on the lives of asylum seekers – all of which happened in the last 24 hours.

Always vote for the side with the fewest arseholes