‘Turbo Cancer’ and other phrases that allow you to easily identify gullible simpletons

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The less cerebrally gifted members of society have always found ways to identify themselves, however a new study has pinpointed certain phrases that instantly mark an individual as a gullible simpleton.

Topping the charts is the term “Turbo Cancer,” a condition invented by idiots that they claim is caused by everything from 5G radio waves, to Covid vaccines and gluten-free diets.

With low-information credulous morons now banging on about ‘turbo cancer’ like it’s a real thing, it has never been easier to laugh at and ignore an over-confident dimwit.

Researchers have compiled a comprehensive list of phrases and topics that are surefire indicators someone may have fallen down a rabbit hole so deep, they’re practically in Wonderland.

Alongside “Turbo Cancer,” researchers found terms like “New World Order,” “Chemtrail Cough,” and “Vaccine Magnetism” are definitive red flags, signalling that you’re dealing with a person who might believe the moon landing was filmed in a secret Hollywood basement and spent a great deal of time at school eating crayons.

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“The beauty of these phrases is their simplicity,” stated Dr Simon Williams, lead researcher on the project.

“They serve as a quick and efficient way to identify those ‘special’ individuals who may be more susceptible to believing that lizard people run the government or that the Earth is as flat and barren as their intellect.”

In an effort to combat this spread of digital stupidity, experts suggest that where possible you should engage in constructive dialogue, promoting media and scientific literacy, though they freely admit that occasionally, just nodding politely while slowly backing away is the safest course of action when confronted with a ‘full-on loon’.

“It’s important to approach these conversations with empathy,” Dr Williams advises.

“Remember, we were all gullible once. It’s just that most of us believed in Santa Claus, not ‘Turbo Cancer’.”

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