Donald Trump demands trial by a jury of his sycophants

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After a US Court ruled that Donald Trump does not have immunity from prosecution relating to attempts to overthrow the 2020 Presidential election, the former president has demanded ‘trial by a jury of his sycophants’.

The former president is now expected to stand trial sometime in 2024, and the lengthy jury selection process is expected to be highly contentious.

Trump’s legal team have argued that since a Democrat has brought the prosecution, then it’s only fair if the jury consists solely of swivel-eyed MAGA-frenzied Trumpsters.

Trump told reporters at his mar-A-largo resort, “This is the biggest miscarriage of justice in American history since the last time I was indicted a couple of months ago, and the only way to fight this wrong is to ensure everyone on the jury loves me unconditionally.

“That won’t be hard, because everyone loves me. Everyone is saying it. But we should make sure there are no Democrats on the jury, just to be safe. Even though I’m the most popular President ever, it’s important we get to veto anyone who believes they are capable of finding me guilty if the evidence suggests that I am, you know, guilty

“Any juror who openly admits they are capable of finding me guilty is obviously prejudiced against me and should be thrown out immediately

“I think the jury foreman should be the buffalo guy from the Jan 6th assault on the Capitol; he seems like a stand-up sort of guy who would do a great job. And we should probably find a place on the jury for people like Roger Stone, Steve Bannon and Dinesh D’Souza – guys I’ve pardoned for their criminal behaviour, so they owe me, big time.

“These guys know what it’s like to be pursued by the establishment for petty crimes that no one cares about, and I know they can be trusted to do the right thing in the eyes of the law.”

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