Planning your funeral now a more realistic priority than planning your retirement

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After new research showed that the government must consider raising the state pension age to 71, workers everywhere have begun making enquiries about workplace funeral schemes.

Dr Simon Williams, the lead researcher into ‘things the government will definitely do but haven’t told us about yet’, revealed that working until you die is crucial to the government being able to balance the books in a post-Brexit post-Covid world.

“People not living is imperative when it comes to living within our means as a nation,” he said.

“We have to make difficult decisions, and the government will no doubt do all it can to guarantee those decisions will make things very difficult for you.”

Dr Williams went on to explain that increasing the pension age even further, and into people’s seventies, was necessary in order to unburden the younger generation.

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He went on, “Ensuring the younger generation leave university in crippling debt, while never being able to afford a mortgage, and having to work until they die, is the only way to secure their future.

“Is it essential they keep working right up until the point they realise they have nothing to live for.”