On the fourth anniversary of Brexit and with the government still struggling to articulate any benefits that don’t sound like a Remainer parody, Brexiters who’ve spent seven years saying ‘you lost, get over it’ are still waiting to find out precisely what they’ve won.
Four years after we left the EU, and seven and a half years since we voted for Brexit, the mystery Brexit prize is still causing much excitement among patriotic Brits who are delighted they’ve successfully taken back control, despite watching what can best be described as a ‘clusterf**k’ unfold before their very eyes over the last half a dozen years.
“I can’t wait to find out what it is that we’ve won,” enthused Simon Williams of Brexit campaign group A Nation United in Sovereignty (ANUS).
“I am hoping it’s a car or a nice holiday, something big and expensive now we’re not wasting all that money on massive pensions for those corrupt faceless Eurocrats Nigel Farage warned us about.
“Not a boat though, because I haven’t got anywhere to keep it. And I can’t swim.”
Meanwhile, the former Prime Minister Boris Johnson has hailed the fact that tampons have 5% less VAT as a “great Brexit victory”, while ignoring the fact they are now 20% more expensive thanks to the inflation his government has overseen.
Other Brexit supporters have insisted that they don’t care what the prize is, as they’re going to love it regardless because it will have the smell of victory attached to it.
Leave voter Dave Matthews told us, “We won, so I don’t even need to know what we’ve won – it’s obviously going to be brilliant.
“It’s like visiting the fair when it comes to town, that small made-in-China teddy-bear that you won after spending a tenner trying to throw hoops over bottles definitely makes you one of life’s winners.
“It doesn’t matter that the same toy would have been much cheaper and much less hassle if you’d just gone and bought it directly from the local market – the fact that you won it makes it worth every penny you might have wasted in the process ‘winning’ it.
“So call Brexit a shambles all you like, you can even call it an evolving catastrof**k, I don’t care – because I won and you lost so get over it.”