Man who despises Bill Gates for ‘trying to control everyone with microchips’ publicly hails Elon Musk’s attempts to ‘control people with microchips’

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A man has today confirmed that people meddling with microchips that can influence your behaviour are only a bad thing when he hallucinates Bill Gates doing it.

Simon Williams, 45, has hailed Elon Musk’s achievement in being rich enough to invest in a company that is now implanting microchips into the brains of human beings.

He told us, “This is a huge step forward in human technological advancement, and yet another masterful gambit by Elon himself.

“And no, before you say it, it is nothing like that awful Bill Gates secretly trying to develop microchips that he’ll get into vaccines to control us all. He needs to be in prison.

“Elon’s chips are really big, would never fit in a syringe, and he’s going to charge a fortune for them. Whereas Bill’s are tiny, unseen by the human eye, and he’s putting them out there for free. Like I said, it’s very different.”

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Meanwhile, friends of Simon have been left unsurprised by his latest position on brain influencing microchips. As one friend told us, “It’s got to the point that if we want to know what Simon thinks on any given subject we just look at Elon’s tweets on that given day.

“We’ve tried to explain to him that the only reason Elon would pull him from a burning Cybertruck would be to try and preserve the vehicle’s resale value, but he’s having none of it.

“Still, if Neuralink can develop a chip that stops someone posting inane conspiracy theories on the Internet, then I’m all for Simon getting one.”