We should rebalance the economy to manufacturing, insists man who’d never dream of working in a factory

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A man who’d never dream of doing anything but a desk job is adamant the British economy needs more manufacturing today.

Self-appointed economic expert Simon Williams is perfectly happy to condemn others to manual toil to satisfy his dreams of what an economy ‘should’ look like.

“We should be making things,” he patiently explained whilst holding a nice cup of Lapsang Suchong in hands that haven’t made a single f**king thing in his life.

“Things like steelmaking are vital to Britain and it’s essential we keep the mills open for other people to live lives of demanding labour that will see them dead by sixty,” he continued, blowing the steam off his mug to cool it.

“I once had a relative who worked in a factory in the sixties so I do have working class roots, you know.”

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When asked, people who used to work in factories and down mines said that call-centre jobs utterly suck but they’re still better than spending ten hours a day down the pit like grandad, thanks very much.