Arsenal manager Mikel Arteta has been charged by the Football Association with bringing the game into disrepute after photos emerged of him being fed like a toddler by a poncey grifter in sunglasses.
Arteta was photographed debasing himself at the hands of steak juggling con man while on Arsenal’s winter break, but FA officials have insisted ‘being on a break’ is no more helpful as a defence for Arteta than it was for Ross on Friends.
FA official Simon Williams told us, “We take the reputation of the national game very seriously, livelihoods rely on it. And Mikel is going around making it seem like premier league managers are borderline simpletons who are delighted to throw money at any old snake oil salesmen. That simply cannot stand.
“This could mean a significant ban, where he will have time to reflect on his actions, and perhaps learn to cook a steak for himself rather than paying £500 to have one fed to him by a pony-tailed twat in sunglasses.”
Arsenal fan Jame Matthews told us, “How can we expect people to take us seriously as title contenders when Mikel is out there spend the best part of a grand to be fed like a baby bird by a man who looks like a Men in Black character trying to hide in plain sight.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but throw the entire book at him. This is the worst thing I’ve seen a footballer do since Lineker took a shit on the pitch.
“But at least Lineker had an excuse.”