Second ‘cryptic’ Epstein list released by the authorities

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Fresh questions have been raised about a number of public figures following the discovery of a second, ‘cryptic’ list owned by child enthusiast, Jeffrey Epstein. 

NewsThump has obtained access to the full, unredacted list, which was found cunningly hidden inside a bag inside a cupboard at the Epstein residence and taken in evidence by the police on the night of his arrest. 

The bag had slyly been designed to look like a supermarket carrier bag in order to avoid suspicion, and contained sophisticated ciphers that doubtless point to a cabal of secretive hypernonces. 

The list read in full reads:

  • Milk 
  • 2 x Ham 
  • Bread 
  • Cheddar Cheese
  • Bananas
  • Satsumas 
  • Microwave rice, Uncle Ben’s, not shit own brand 

X – formerly known as Twitter – is awash with speculation about the hidden identities of the megapaedos on the latest list.

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As one Twitter user wrote, “I knew it! It’s so obvious! Bread is “baked”, just like Hunter Biden in his free time. Bread is code for Biden junior. Clearly Hunter was a regular on Epstein island. What more proof could you POSSIBLY need?!”

American Actor John Hamm has publicly distanced himself from the list, as has the 7th-century feudal province of Satsuma in Japan.

Uncle Ben has been approached for comment.