Why female football commentators and murderers are basically the same, by Joey Barton

author avatar by 2 months ago

I have spent my entire adult life in professional football, and if there is one thing my career is littered with, it’s people congratulating me on my excellent use of analogies for things I don’t like.

Some people thought I had peaked a few years ago when I compared my Bristol Rovers team conceding three goals to the Holocaust – but they were wrong.

I have always known that the best way to get your point across in any debate is to use the tragic deaths of innocent people as being analogous to anything you disagree with.

I remember in my academy days, I would regularly complain about having to clean the boots of the senior professionals by likening them to Jack the Ripper. Even though some of them hadn’t even used a prostitute, never mind murdered one – but it got my point across.

Sure, some people will insist it is a bit over-the-top to use literal murderers as a way to criticise someone commentating on a football match, but who else will make that comparison if I don’t? People forget that I am an expert in both football and murderers, what with my brother being one. Yes, he killed someone with an axe, but that doesn’t mean I don’t also understand serial killers, like Fred and Rose West.

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