The Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future have announced that they’re not even going to bother trying to get former Home Secretary Suella Braverman to mend her ways this year.
Since Victorian times, the three ghosts have traditionally attempted to get the most mean, cruel and unpleasant people in the country to change their ways, however, with Suella Braverman, they believe that it would be a complete waste of time.
“Ebenezer Scrooge was the most awful man in London,” boomed the Ghost of Christmas Present.
“Tight-fisted, cruel, and dreadful to the core. But still, we always felt like there was a chance with him. But, Cruella? Let’s be serious.”
The ghost, known to friends as Simon Williams, went on to explain that they’d started work on a series of visions to make the former Home Secretary change her ways.
“Problem was, it’s would have taken until Boxing Day to get through all the awful things she’s done in the past. And that’s before all the moaning she’s been doing recently because she was thwarted in her attempts to send asylum seekers to Rwanda.
“It would have just taken ages.”
Instead, the ghosts have decided that they’ll just take the evening off instead.
“No, we thought about giving Rees-Mogg a try, but that would be an even bigger job than Braverman, so we’re just going to stay at home on Christmas with some cans in and watch the Mrs Brown’s Boys special on the telly.”