Government to house asylum seekers at Centre Parcs because Rwandan deal not yet expensive enough

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The government is considering using Centre Parcs as a ‘holding area’ for asylum seekers as part of the Rwanda deal, because they haven’t yet spent quite enough money on the project.

With news emerging yesterday that the UK has given Rwanda a further £100m to take literally zero asylum seekers so far, further news has now emerged that the government is looking at other ways to piss your money away, including sending migrants to Centre Parcs while everyone makes a decision.

A spokesperson for the government confirmed, “It will cost us millions, and be an absolute waste of money – so we’re definitely going for it.

“We have decided that from Monday we will send all asylum seekers coming into this country illegally to Centre Parcs, to stay there until this Rwanda thing finally goes through.

“Obviously this will cost millions of pounds, because, you know, it’s Centre Parcs, but that’s perfect for us because we really like wasting your money.

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“We have already sent an initial down payment of £250m to Centre Parcs this morning, which will cover the first five or six arrivals for the next couple of weeks.

“W ehave set aside a further £100m in case they want to do any activities while there.”

Asked if they feel that this is a good use of public money, and if it will act as a deterrent to illegal migration, we were told, “We don’t really understand the question. We just like shitting money away on entirely fruitless political stunts.”

Twatspotting #3 – Rishi