Covid inquiry faces seventeenth evacuation of the day after Boris’ trousers keep catching fire

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Boris Johnson is giving evidence at the Covid Inquiry, but has so far managed only a few minutes of testimony due to the repeated fire alarms that activate each time he provides one of his ‘answers’.

With exhausted firefighters rushing in and out of the building every few minutes, some have questioned if Boris should be made to give evidence while sitting in a bath of water.

As one attendee told us, “Things got off to a bad start when Boris was sworn in and put his hand on a bible that instantly burst into flames. That should have been a sign of what was to come, really.

“Since then, each question he’s faced has led to a whooshing sound and a small fireball appearing under his table. The alarm goes off, the firemen come in and put him out, we all take our seats, another question gets asked and the alarm goes off again – and so the cycle continues.

“The only time he’s answered a question without his trousers bursting into flames was when he was asked what he wanted for lunch.

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“Unfortunately, they were unable to offer him a ‘steak and a blowjob’.”