Boris Johnson: I had no other tool for Covid beyond parties and lying

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Boris Johnson has told the Covid Enquiry today that he and his government had no other tools to deal with the crisis, other than parties and telling lots of lies. 

With the former Prime Minister facing questions today regarding how he dealt with the pandemic,  Boris Johnson has defended his decision-making at the time, stating he had no other choice but to f**k everything up, have parties and then lie about everything.  

Speaking earlier he confirmed, “All we could do is party and lie. It’s the only thing we knew how to do.

“I would like to apologise sincerely to the victims of Covid and confirm that we did everything we could.

“Which largely involved partying, making terrible decisions that cost thousands of lives and then lying about everything to cover our arses.

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“Obviously we completely regret getting caught for the partying, but I do feel that we did all we could following this by lying as much as we could about doing it.”

Asked if he could perhaps have led the country competently and not behaved like a useless idiot we were told, “No, I don’t think that would have worked.” 

The Cabinet of Arseholes