Concern as pig population shows first signs of man-flu pandemic

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The world’s farming communities are braced for a global swine catastrophe as the first man-flu cases are reported among the pig population.

With man-flu symptoms now reported in pigs across two continents there is concern this outbreak will reach global pandemic proportions.

“It’s extremely difficult for us to spot,” said pig farmer Simon Williams, 42.

“It might look just like a minor case of the sniffles to the untrained female eye, but you can spot man-flu by the moaning, the lolling about, and the sufferer’s incessant requests for sympathy from the other pigs.

“Keep an eye out for any behaviour that suggests pig is trying to communicate a sense of their own imminent death, whilst being completely ignored by the females.

“If you have a sufferer it’s best to keep them isolated.

“Not because of infection, but because the symptoms seem to get worse when they know another pig can see them.”

Veterinarians have suggested a series of steps that should be taken by you and your other pigs if you suspect your pig has man-flu.

As one explained, “Female pigs would do well to recognise the suffering of the male, and do their best to comfort them.

“If the sufferer had any unpleasant upcoming events, it is recommended you tell the pig it no longer has to attend them.

“A blanket, some soup, and complete control over the television has worked well in control groups.”

Doctors are recommending vigilance as they seek to eliminate the possibility of a man-flu to pig-man-flu back to man-flu crossover.

“Such a strain could be deadly,” said the UK’s Chief Medical Officer.

“True, there have not been any actual recorded fatalities from human man-flu.

“But this lack of fatalities is as much to do with the resilience of the male population as it is the frankly piss-poor medical treatment received by male patients as they suffer.”