Covid inquiry: Advisor Baldrick “never thought plans were cunning enough”

author avatar by 3 weeks ago

Baldrick has been giving his testimony at the Covid inquiry.

The diminutive genius and author of cunning plans since the 14th century was hired by the government on recommendation from Boris Johnson, who has watched Blackadder and thought Baldrick was a visionary.

”Nice to be hear at the Warren Commission,” began Baldrick, getting the event, government, country, investigating body and century entirely wrong.

”Yeah the government didn’t know it’s elbow from its elbow if you ask me. There was this Hancock bloke, apparently he was the Elf Minister, but I never saw him with an elf once, so I thought he must have been rubbish.

”Then that Gavin Williamson bloke. Kept wanting to get all the kids back into school. My dad kept encouraging me to go to school and he got done for bigamy. So that speaks volumes I reckon.

”None of them had any cunning plans I don’t think. Not even Morris Johnson. I heard more from his wife than I did from him. Nice lady, bit greedy. Never gave me back that quid I leant her.”

Baldrick’s companion, a Mr Edmund Blackadder, commented, “This is the worst testimony since Bill Clinton said he was just giving Miss Lewinsky a hug.

”I’m not saying hiring Baldrick as an advisor was a terrible idea in the first place, all I’m saying is that you could attach a car battery to my nipples via electric cables and I would scream better advice while the engine was revved.”