A woman has today struggled to contain her jealous rage after witnessing all the loving attention her husband pays to their woodburner.
Simon Williams, 42, will reportedly spend hours looking lovingly in the general direction of his woodburner, and will spring into action at the merest hint of it requiring assistance.
His wife Sharon Williams told us, “On Sunday afternoon I asked him if he’d make us a nice cup of tea, and his response was ‘make it yourself’.
“But just a few minutes later the woodburner flickered as if the current log was in danger of expiring and he was on his feet in a flash. He checked it was okay, checked if needed some air, checked if it needed anything else, then he sat in front of it for about fifteen minutes looking deep into it like a lovesick teenager. I swear I could hear him whispering sweet nothings in its general direction.
“I remember when he used to look at me like that.”
Simon told us, “I know where I am with the woodburner, I give it fuel, and it gives me light and heat. It’s a simple yet beautiful symbiotic relationship, and one I’m completely comfortable with. Plus it’s never threatened to make me sleep on the sofa because I left the toilet seat up again.
“So of course I bloody love it.”