The entire nation is on the edge of their seats for the inevitable debut of the first riveting conspiracy theory surrounding the newly NHS-endorsed Chicken Pox vaccine.
Since the announcement that all UK children are recommended to receive the vaccine, the gullible and the vaccine sceptics alike have been buzzing with excitement, keen to sink their teeth into the juiciest, most outlandish theories the Internet can cook up.
Leading the simpleton’s charge is the Facebook group “Chicken Pox Truthers UK”, which has seen its membership triple overnight.
The group’s founder, Simon Williams, who insists on being referred to only as “The Enlightened One”, claims that they are just waiting for the right “spark of inspiration” to reveal the hidden truths about the vaccine.
“It’s not just about connecting the dots anymore,” he says, “it’s about finding the dots in the first place. And let me tell you, we have some of the best dot finders in the business.”
Meanwhile, Twitter has been abuzz with speculation ranging from the vaccine being a secret government ploy to control the minds of our children, to it containing microscopic tracking devices used by paedos. One particularly creative tweet suggested that the vaccine is actually a way to turn children into chickens, citing a poorly photoshopped image of a child with feathers as evidence.
Health professionals and rational thinkers have been left bewildered and somewhat amused by these developments.
Dr Emma Richardson, a paediatrician, commented, “It’s genuinely impressive the level of creativity these conspiracy theorists demonstrate. If only they’d channel that imagination into something more productive, like fiction writing or film-making, rather than risking the health of vulnerable children.”
As the nation waits with bated breath, the only thing that is certain is that whatever the emerging theories may be, they are bound to attract hordes of simpletons.