“Have you considered blowing up all of Lewiston to ensure you get the bad guy?” Israel asks US

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Israel has offered some unsolicited tactical advice to the Maine police force, suggesting that firing missiles at any location where their suspect has been seen in the last 18 months is a great way to start a manhunt.

As the search for Robert Card continues, and with the FBI having been brought in to support local law enforcement, Israel has asked how serious the US actually is about catching the guy, given not a single missile has been fired so far.

Israeli spokesperson Simon Williams told us, “This man killed American citizens in cold blood, and yet no tanks have yet been mobilised.

“If the FBI are serious about protecting themselves then they need to rain down missiles on his school, his neighbourhood, his workplace, anywhere he’s had coffee in the last two years, the bars he frequents, the pharmacist he last went to, anywhere there has been a non-confirmed sighting of him, anywhere they think he might be. Missiles on every single one. Level all of them. Leave nothing but rubble.

“Then, and only then, can they know they have truly rained justice down upon him and protected themselves from further attacks by him.”

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FBI spokesperson Chuck Matthews responded, “Err, no. We’re not going to do that, obviously.

“But, I have been instructed by my superiors to confirm that we fully support Israels right to do whatever it likes when someone fires at them, obviously.”