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Joe Biden has arrived in Israel, and that is definitely going to make everything better.
Israeli-Palestinian tensions are expected to dissipate rapidly following the arrival of 80-year-old Joe Biden, who seems to have forgotten that he’s in Israel and can’t remember anyone’s name.
The world watched with bated breath as the seasoned statesman embarked on his mission to bring peace to the Middle East, one senior moment at a time.
President Biden, affectionately known as “Uncle Joe” by people who don’t mind doddery old men in charge of the most powerful country on the planet, touched down in Tel Aviv and immediately set the tone for his visit by exclaiming, “Well, it’s great to be here in…um, where am I again?”
The crowd erupted in nervous laughter while aides provided cue cards, and diplomats began grinding their teeth down to the nubs.
As Biden made his way to meet with Israeli and Palestinian leaders, he struggled to recall their names, referring to Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu as “Benedict,” and addressing Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas as “Mammy Adders.”
Despite the glaring mix-ups, both leaders decided to play along, as neither is willing to offend such a wealthy and powerful potential ally.
“It’s refreshing, really,” Prime Minister Netanyahu commented. “I mean, who needs detailed negotiations and complex diplomatic strategies when you can just have a good laugh over tea and cookies?”
President Abbas nodded in agreement, adding, “I must say, I’ve never seen such an effective icebreaker. We’ve been at this for decades, and all it took was one forgetful American to make us see the absurdity of our situation.”
Even the most contentious issues, such as the recent Hamas terrorist attack, and Israel’s retaliatory blockade of humanitarian aide to Gaza, seemed less daunting when discussed in the presence of a befuddled octogenarian who occasionally mistook a diplomat for his long-lost cousin.
As President Biden wrapped up his visit, he summed up his approach to peace negotiations, saying, “In the end, it’s all having a good time with good friends. I officially declare this theme park open!”
