Nation refusing to listen to Liz Truss’s alternative budget unless she can successfully explain how an abacus works

author avatar by 9 months ago

Liz Truss is facing the most difficult challenge of her political career, after voters asked her to build and demonstrate how a basic abacus works before they will listen to her alternative budget.

The Tufton Street Tinkerbell has announced she will publish an alternative budget during the Autumn statements, seemingly oblivious to a nation of voters who witnessed first-hand the impact of her last real budget.

Voter, Simon Williams, told us, “If I’m going to waste any more time listening to that woman’s plans for the nation’s finances, then I want her to prove she understands numbers as well as any primary school child.

My eight-year-old knows that if you promise to spend lots of money without any money coming in, things will go very badly, and quickly. So I want her to prove she’s learned her lesson in that respect.

“Yes, I want to see her build an abacus. Nothing complicated. Just some coloured beads and rows. The frame is already made for her. All she has to do is load it up and then show is how it can be used to do some basic arithmetic. There are no economic forecasts here, she has everything at her disposal to excel at this task.”

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After twenty minutes of frustration on the part of Truss, Williams returned.

He went on, “Honestly, I thought this would be easy for her, but so far she insists on having it it on it’s side so all of the beads fall to the bottom.

“As she adds more beads to the top she keeps muttering to herself ‘if you put the money in the top, it trickles down to the bottom – trickle down – trickle down – trickle down’.

“She’s beyond help, unfortunately. Tufton Street’s finest, bested by a child’s toy.”

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