Liz Truss is set to announce an ‘alternative growth budget’ alongside the government’s Autumn statement, a move that will surely be welcomed by everyone who has suffered a traumatic brain injury in the last year.
Prime ministerial cos-player Truss, is apparently keen to see her economic ideas roundly mocked once again, just a year after she got to implement them and almost bankrupted the entire country.
Truss told reporters, “This is an alternative budget for growth. Not like the last one I did, which didn’t deliver any growth at all, and actually made everyone’s mortgage much more expensive while ensuring the country’s credit rating fell into the toilet – this is a much better one.
“I can safely say that this is a much better one because no one who hasn’t been kicked in the head by a horse would ever let me have a go at running the country again.
“So you can’t prove these ideas are disastrous. I’m very clever.”
Voter Simon Williams told us, “I was kicked in the head by a horse in October last year, which has affected by my ability to retain medium and short term information, so of course I am happy to hear what Liz Truss has to say, because she was the prime minister, right?
“If she was the prime minister, then she knows what she’s doing, yes? I mean, if she was terrible at it, they wouldn’t let her keep going around suggesting nonsense ideas, would they? I’ve been kicked in the head by a horse and even I know that would be ridiculously stupid.”
Leonard Shelby from the film Momento, told us, “I’ve got a tattoo on my chest that says, ‘Liz Truss is a walking economic disaster, her plans almost destroyed the country in less than six weeks. Never, ever trust her’.
“Even as someone with severe memory issues, I’m not sure there is more than one way to take that?”