“These days you can’t even encourage people to do a crime, while telling everyone you’re going to do a crime, and explaining how you’ll film yourself doing that crime, without the police turning up on your doorstep”

author avatar by 9 months ago

Failed husband, actor, musician and politician, Laurence Fox, has expressed his dismay after facing the legal consequences of publicly encouraging criminals, announcing his intention to commit a crime, and his pledge to film himself breaking the law.

“It’s preposterous!” Fox exclaimed, outraged by what he sees as an affront to free speech the age-old British tradition of announcing illegal intentions to a mass audience.

Fox, told reporters outside the police station, “All I did was say I was going to commit a crime while encouraging other people to commit a crime! Isn’t this supposed to be a free country?!

“It shouldn’t be illegal to break the law if you don’t agree with the law. That’s how democracy works. I mean, I realise proper democracy works at the ballot box, but the electorate have repeatedly shown they don’t give two shits what I think, so my only option was direct action.

“And no, this is very different to the Just Stop Oil protesters, who I have repeatedly criticised, because I think my cause is legitimate, and I think theirs is deluded nonsense. And what I personally believe should form the basis of any criminal charges in this country.

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“Yes it should, shut up.”

A police spokesperson was left scratching his head as to the furore surrounding his arrest, telling us, “He vocally supported criminal vandalism, announced his intent to vandalise himself, and then said he wanted to film himself doing it – and would be happy to face the consequences of doing it. But now he’s unhappy at facing the consequences for saying all that?”

“I actually feel a bit sorry for him, recording himself committing a crime would have been his most watched on-screen performance of all time – but we have a job to do, sorry.

“We don’t care what sort of post-divorce post-career breakdown you’re having, conspiracy to commit a crime, is, in fact, a crime.”

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