Rishi Sunak to cement his popularity in Manchester by saying he hates Oasis and Coronation Street is shit

author avatar by 2 months ago

Rishi Sunak is set to cement his popularity in Manchester today by saying he hates Oasis, and that Coronation Street is shit.

With news emerging earlier that the Prime Minister will use his keynote speech later to cancel HS2 to Manchester, further news has now emerged that he will also show his love for the city by saying he hates City and United, and that Lowry paints like a child.

A spokesperson for the Prime Minister confirmed, “He’s drumming up some support up here, that’s for sure.

“That’s why he is going to use his keynote speech later to say Manchester music is shite, and that they definitely didn’t invent the computer up here.  

“He will also claim the Industrial Revolution actually began in London, or somewhere down south, and that Emeline Pankhurst was a slag.

“Obviously he will declare his hatred for all northern football teams including City and United, along with everything scouse while he’s at it, just so they know where they sit in his affections.

“And finally he will end the speech by asking everyone to vote for him, before saying he despises Coronation Street, because he can’t understand what they are saying.”

Asked if he will actually have anything nice to say about Manchester, or any positive news for them at all, we were told, “Rolls and Royce met in Manchester, and he quite likes them, but not as much as his Bentleys, obviously. 

“Please vote for us.”