Bookies slash odds on Matt Hancock winning Celebrity SAS: Who Dares Wins as he’s killed more people than all the instructors combined

author avatar by 10 months ago

With the current series of Celebrity SAS now well underway, the former Health Secretary has been made the bookies’ favourite to win.

The reality TV show, which puts contestants through a series of gruelling tests to see who is hardest or something, features a number of ‘celebrities’ alongside Mr Hancock, who assisted with the abysmal handling of a pandemic leading to tens of thousands of excess deaths.

Producer Simon Williams told us, “We are constantly on the lookout for famous people who might be able to demonstrate the core requirements of any member of the SAS – fitness, leadership and the capability to carry on with the job even when they have killed people in cold blood.

“So when Matt Hancock approached us to be in the show, we snapped him up. He’s obviously in peak physical condition, what with the constant running away from the angry husbands of his lovers, and his discharging of Covid-positive elderly back into care homes showed us he has the psychopathic mindset required to excel in this type of show.”

He added, “The fact that his actions have led to more deaths than all of the staff instructors combined means he will is quite a formidable contestant on the show, and unless we have an active serial killer in our midst, he’s likely to win, to be honest.”

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A modest Matt Hancock told us today, “The 137,000 excess deaths during the pandemic can’t be attributed solely to me; it was a real joint effort between myself and Boris Johnson, and the rest of the cabinet, of course. 

“If anything, that shows I’m a great team player, too.”

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