Home Secretary Suella Braverman is set to continue with a policy of demonising refugees to distract from the government’s woeful inability to run the country.
“Look, running the country is really difficult and really, really hard work and we, well, we’ve got people like Grant Shapps in the cabinet so, obviously, we’re not very good, are we?” explained a Tory party insider.
“Demonising refugees, on the other hand, is an absolute piece of piss. They’ve got different colour skin, they talk funny and their clothes are rubbish.
“So, it seems like a good, sensible Tory policy to bang on about how refugees from Bongobongostan are all going to come over and set up home in your garden and turn your shed into a mosque. I’m delighted Suella is over in America, blaming refugees for all of our problems.
“This distracts brilliantly from the fact that you can’t get a hospital appointment, and even if you could, the trains wouldn’t be running to take you to it.”
Simon Williams, a Tory supporter and leading bicycle seat sniffer from Cheltenham supported the plan.
He went on, “Well, I for one certainly don’t want to think about the fact that nothing in this country works properly any more, it’s depressing.
“It’s much more fun to get a bit steamed up in the pub about how an imaginary family from Syria has been given an imaginary mansion whilst an imaginary local family has to live in a puddle.”
The next stage in Braverman’s refugee demonisation plan will be to claim that refugees are actual demons.