Marcus Rashford is facing legal trouble after breaking the vow of silence all Rolls Royce owners are forced to take on the subject of poverty.
The Manchester United striker has been widely criticised by frothing simpletons online for an accident which damaged his Rolls Royce, and for caring about poor people at the same time.
A spokesperson for the luxury car brand told us, “Everyone knows that Rolls Royce make some of the most exquisite vehicles on the planet, but we also ask a considerable amount of our customers.
“Not only do they have to write us an enormous cheque to purchase one, we also require them to sign a contract that they will never, ever, discuss poverty – or the plight of people living in poverty – in public ever again.
“We know this feels quite a stringent request, but we can’t have people out there driving our cars and talking about people less fortunate than themselves, for fear of reactionary morons online giving our brand a bad name.
“Low-IQ idiots will say things like ‘how can you talk about hungry children when you drive a Rolls Royce’, and this makes us look bad. I mean, yes, we know the point is entirely moronic, but that doesn’t stop people saying it. And yes, there is such a thing as bad publicity when you’re a luxury car maker.”
Meanwhile mouth-breathing blowhards have been asked to articulate the exact amount of wealth someone is allowed to accumulate before they are no longer allowed to discuss the plight of hungry children.
So far, no response has been provided.