Rishi Sunak to set fire to a big pile of tyres in effort to appease climate critics

author avatar by 2 months ago

Rishi Sunak will today announce plans to set fire to a big pile of tyres in what appears to be a major turnaround in the government’s environment policy.

“It is important to balance the ambition for a clean environment with the fact that people are being really mean to me on Twitter,” explained Mr Sunak.

“So, to demonstrate that we sympathise with the people who think climate change is a load of hippy old nonsense, we’ll be setting fire to a great big pile of tyres.”

The Telegraph approved of the plans.

“Jolly good show,” reads an opinion piece from this morning’s edition

“This bally conservation nonsense is a load of trendy tosh. We’re Britain, we won two World Wars and sent Napolean packing, if we want to fill the air with a load of poisonous black smoke then we bally well will. Splendid policy. Well done Mr Sunak. Not bad for a darkie.”

The big pile of tyres will be assembled on Parliament Square over the coming days with plans for Mr Sunak to set it alight at the end of the week.

Various climate sceptics like Allison Pearson, Jacob Rees-Mogg, and Darren Grimes will be invited to strip down to their pants and dance around the conflagration to add to the spectacle.