GB News fan and borderline simpleton, Derek Williams, is today insisting that free speech means that free-market commercial enterprises must be forced to give money to his favourite television channels.
As the fledgeling entertainment channel for angry morons found that a number of organisations had pulled adverts from their airwaves, Williams insisted this is basically the same as the Nazis burning books.
He explained, “Yes, I can see how that analogy might look ridiculous to the untrained eye, but when you’re as familiar as I am with the concept of free speech, you’ll realise that commercial organisations doing whatever they think is best for their bottom line is basically Marxism.
“We can not stand by and let these companies advertise only in places where they feel the adverts will best resonate with their customer base. The next step will be to send those of us who commit thought-crimes to the gulag – you mark my words.”
Advertising executive Mike Dawson told us, “The idea that companies are doing anything other than trying desperately to separate you from your cash is frankly laughable.
“That said, these radicalised GB News free speech fanatics are actually quite profitable, just not quite in the way they think they are.
“Being targetted by the ‘go woke go broke’ lot is pretty lucrative. Just ask Nike, whose profits doubled the year they ran the Colin Kaepernick campaign and found themselves at the centre of a ‘go woke go broke’ protest. Or Grind coffee, who doubled revenues when GB News’ own Laurence Fox tried to cancel them.
“Honestly, I’ve got brands queuing up to run a single ad on GB News just so they can pull the rest of them and benefit from the free publicity.
“Apparently nothing makes money quite like triggering the gammonati.”