Daniel Khalife escapes again after discovering his new cell was built using reinforced autoclaved aerated concrete

author avatar by 11 months ago

Daniel Khalife has escaped prison again after managing to escape from his prison cell by using a plastic spoon to dig his way out through the concrete walls in about an hour.

Khalife was only captured on Saturday following the collapse of his previous escape plan, so his latest escape will come as something of an embarrassment to a government hoping people will forget that so many public buildings are barely staying up.

A spokesperson for Wandsworth prison told us, “Yes, the block housing Daniel does use RAAC, but how were we to know he would be able to dig a tunnel you could drive a car through, during one evening, and using nothing more than a plastic dessert spoon?

“We didn’t let him use a metal one, for obvious reasons, but clearly the walls were no match for this lightweight plastic implement.

“We are now well aware of what a man is capable of when he has determination, flimsy tools, and a building constructed by the lowest bidder.”

NewsThump Best sellers

Meanwhile, a government spokesperson told us they take the issues around RAAC extremely seriously, and expect to have all issues resolved shortly.

The spokesperson went on, “We’re a bit busy right now preventing schools falling onto the heads of nation’s children.

“Stopping high-profile prisoners escaping from prison is absolutely our next top priority. Well, as long as it keeps making front-page news, anyway.”

NewsThump best selling notebooks