Selfish terror suspect caught before satirist finishes writing article

author avatar by 2 weeks ago

In an annoying inconvenience for comedy writers everywhere, Daniel Khalife was captured on Saturday before a series of mildly-amusing articles about his escape could be completed.

In an exclusive interview with NewsThump, the author of the aborted item made his feelings clear.

“It was going to be about ‘The Wombles’,” moaned the cheated wordsmith.

“Something about an underground terror cell… because The Wombles, they lived underground… like in their theme song.

“What do you mean you’ve never heard of the sodding Wombles?!

“Anyway, Wimbledon Common is near Wandsworth Prison,” continued the aggrieved literary funnyman.

“That’s where Khalife escaped from. I was going to do a bit about how he was helping Madame Cholet with her cooking… because he was wearing chef’s clothes when he escaped.

Asked for clarification, he confirmed, “Madame Cholet does the bloody cooking for the Wombles! Seriously, they were a big f**king deal back in the 70s!

Seeking to put his work into context, he explained, “The Wombles were lovable kids TV characters! Little furry litter-collecting creatures with pointy noses! I can’t believe you don’t know who they are.”

In a bid to wrap things up, he stated, “Look, I stand by the fact that The Wombles being a terrorist organisation sheltering fugitives was a f**king funny idea. And yes, I bet you ARE too young to find it amusing, you cheeky c**t.”