Nadine Dorries’s resignation letter in full

author avatar by 10 months ago

Nadine Dorries has finally resigned from her position as MP for Mid Bedfordshire, just two months after declaring she would “resign immediately”. Below we have her full resignation letter:

Dear Rishi,

So I’m not getting the Damhood then? Is that what you’re saying? Well, in that case I have no choice but to resign as loudly and publicly as possible, in a desperate final attempt to take you with me.

I will never forgive you for your role in taking down my beloved Boris. How COULD you? That man was everything to me, and you couldn’t wait to jump ship and force him to resign. If it hadn’t been for you, and the whole lying to parliament and losing the confidence of his own MPs, he would still be here, and I would still be spending every cabinet meeting gazing longingly into his eyes. Now I have nothing more than numerous photos and the lifesize Boris pillow to keep me company. It’s not the same.

I am proud of my track record as an MP, going back to deserting my position in parliament to eat Ostrich anus on the nation’s televisions, to demonstrating my complete ineptitude as a culture secretary by repeatedly and publicly misunderstanding how Channel 4’s commercial model works. I am the modern Tory party personified, whereas you are nothing but a privileged posh boy.

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No, not that sort of privileged posh boy, Boris is lovely. You’re the other sort. You know what I mean. Look in a mirror.

After resigning with immediate effect I was willing to hang around like a bad smell until you agreed to put me in the House of Lords, but clearly that is no longer going to happen. I was going to scream and scream until I was sick, but that’s not very dignified, so instead, I’m just going to slag you off as publicly as possible to absolutely anyone who’ll listen. Newspapers, radio, TV – I will debase myself on all of them in my relentless pursuit of your unhappiness.

I am proud of the fact that I have recently cultivated a reputation as a lazy do-nothing by not turning up for work in over a year, and I take great delight in knowing that this is how people will continue to perceive the modern Tory party, even now that I am no longer part of it. I want you to fail, and I want you to fail SO badly I can almost taste it.

A general election is coming, and you will lose it. I know it, and best of all, you know it. The night you lose the election my Boris pillow will, like every evening, be stained with my tears, but this time they will be of laughter.

Yours sincerely,

Nadine Dorries.