by 
Smoke is billowing from the engine of your plane, and you are hurtling nose-first towards the ground, but is this a mechanical failure, or did you annoy Russian president Vladimir Putin?
Answer the following multiple-choice questions with either answers A or B, and all will be revealed!
Q: Have you at any point in the last year or so sought to overthrow Vladimir Putin by means of coup?
A: Yes, albeit only briefly
B: No.
Q: Have you ever tried to provide information about Vladimir Putin to a foreign government or agency?
A: Yes, but all was forgiven.
B: No.
Q: Have you recently put bars across all of your upstairs windows to avoid unfortunate accidents?
A: Yes, it’s a sensible precaution in mother Russia.
B: No.
Q: Have you recently tried to take out life insurance and been laughed out of the room by the broker once they realised who you are?
A: I thought it was quite rude, actually.
B: No.
Q: Did you offer to let people join you on your most recent flight on a private jet, and if so, what was their reaction?
A: They suddenly remembered an urgent hair appointment, so took a raincheck.
B: I fly economy.
Results:
Mostly A’s. Sorry, that smoke is almost certainly the result of one of Vladimir’s explosives, either hidden on board your flight, or fired at you by a missile. Sorry. But at least you know who is to blame for you currently hurtling into the ground like a dart, which is better than not knowing, right?
Mostly B’s. Good news, your imminent demise is almost certainly the result of incompetence on the part of maintenance staff, and Vladimir Putin probably doesn’t even know you exist. Which offer you a small crumb of comfort in your final few moments on this earth.
