Putin vows retaliation against Moon after destruction of Russian spacecraft

author avatar by 11 months ago

Russian President Vladimir Putin has vowed swift retaliation against the Moon after the Russian spacecraft Luna-25 spun out of control and crashed into its surface.

“This disrespect to the Russian people will not go unpunished,” said the President as sulphurous flames burnt around him and the theme from the Omen played.

“By destroying our spacecraft, the Moon has shown itself to be an enemy of Russia and its people and it can expect a swift special military operation against it to begin immediately.”

Donald Trump, Jeremy Corbyn and Roger Waters have been quick to condemn the Moon for ‘provoking’ Russia with its destruction of Luna-25.

“I condemn any military action against the Moon by Russia,” said Mr Corbyn.

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“But I also condemn the action of the Moon in its provocative and insulting destruction of a peaceful spacecraft. I believe that all sides should seek to resolve this matter using peaceful means and I would suggest that, as a beginning, the Moon should commit to rebuilding the spacecraft, returning it to Russia and apologising profusely for getting in its way.”

The Moon was unavailable to comment on the Russian plans because it’s an uninhabited lump of rock just floating in space and not really bothering anyone.