We will leverage synergies to maximise stakeholder engagement, enthuses soulless, inhuman monster

author avatar by 11 months ago

Internal Communications Manager and inhuman hell-beast Simon Williams has outlined his plan to leverage synergies for stakeholder engagement in a 4-hour meeting today.

The spawn of Satan, who is wearing the human form of public sector middle-manager Simon Williams, explained to despairing staff that going forward he was seeking idea showers from product evangelists while simultaneously slowly draining their very reason for being from their bodies.

Over the space of two hundred and forty precious minutes of their lives which they will never get back, Simon used both OHP and brightly-coloured flipcharts to outline a communications strategy which he described as bold, forward-looking and original, despite it being clear to the meanest of intellects that it was none of those things.

He then invited positive input from staff to produce a creativity feedback loop with the end goal of putting together a holistic outlook on internal challenges.

Simon is especially excited by 360-degree thinking, he told his numbed, anguished underlings.

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“I’m getting my ducks in a row to go for a promotion to the upper echelons of Hell, and I can’t let the grass grow when I should be crushing people’s souls,” he told us.

“Take my staff – Colette, who has no heart to pursue that book she’s always wanted to write, or Mike who was planning to read to his child this evening so I gave him an exciting opportunity to create a breakout work plan which I need by close of play tomorrow.

“I’m actioning my role as hellish nodal influencer here on Earth to the max, and I’m really bringing the noise to the party.

“It’s important to live the corporate values and cascade that belief into the organisational paradigm,” he added.

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