As part of its ongoing commitment to becoming the true home of global football, the Saudi Pro League has announced that it has purchased the corpses of Maradona and Pele and will unveil them this weekend.
“Pele and Maradona are the greatest footballers of all time, and they should be here in Saudi Arabia for all true football fans to enjoy,” explained Pro League transfer chief Michael Emenalo.
The corpses will be stuffed by leading taxidermists over the next few days and then be unveiled before the Al-Ettifaq match this weekend.
“We’ve got a big ceremony planned. The two corpses will be wheeled out on sack barrows for everyone to see and, all being well, we’ll get someone to have a kick about near them. Probably Jordan Henderson as his dignity is already a thing of the past anyway.”
Leading Pro League star Cristiano Ronaldo was excited by the news.
“Pele and Maradona were childhood inspirations for me. To play near their corpses is a dream come true for me.”
After the unveiling of the corpses, they will be housed in a glass case outside the club that has spent the most money in the previous year, to honour its achievement.
Emenalo has confirmed that this is just the start, and they hope to add to their collection of footballing corpses soon.
“Oh sure, we hope to have Messi here very soon,” he said.
When it was mentioned that Messi was still very much alive, Emenalo chuckled and suggested the Saudi government would be happy to help with the Pro League’s plans.