Fantasy football fans excited to watch every single one of their players suddenly become absolutely shit

author avatar by 12 months ago

Fantasy football players all over the UK are ready, set and excited to start up their season again this weekend, while watching every single one of the players they picked suddenly play like absolute shite.

As Premier League football finally returns this weekend after almost three months off, millions of fantasy football fans have been spending days on end tinkering with their team, just to see every player they finally settled on have the worst game of football they have ever f**king played.

Simon Williams, who has spent £40 on 4 different mini-leagues, told us, “Right I’m ready, I’m not changing my pissing team again – I’m sick of it.

“I know exactly what’s going to happen already anyway, it’s the same routine every single year.

“I’ll f**k about moving players around for about two weeks beforehand, trying to fit every single good player there is into my team within the budget.

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“Then I will finally settle on four or five really expensive players and fill the rest of the team with a load of dross from teams like Spurs or Fulham.

“And shock f**king horror, any decent player who I actually think will do well for me will suddenly become instantly shit overnight.

“I may as well throw my pissing money down the drain.”

Asked who he has picked as captain this week, he told us, “Well, given the pundits have all have been predicting Unai Emery’s Aston Villa as this season’s dark horses, and because his pre-season form was so good, I went for Ollie-sodding-Watkins.”