FBI agents have confirmed that they have discovered a missing alien from the top-secret Area 51 compound hiding under Donald Trump’s bed.
“At approximately 9am this morning, agents from the local bureau office were engaged in a federally mandated search of Donald Trump’s Miami residence when they discovered a being of extra-terrestrial origin hiding under the bed, behind a large pile of classified documents.
“We believe it to be an alien that was reported missing from a Nevada facility in 2020.”
Donald Trump has subsequently admitted to taking the alien, but claimed that, as President, he broke no laws in doing so.
“I took that alien,” Trump told reporters.
“I was President, so, from a legal standpoint, I owned everything in America during that period, including any and all aliens. You can look that up, it’s in the Constitution, and if it isn’t, then it should be. I took that alien home for a weekend, named it Barry, we hung out and played Pac-Man. I was going to return it, but I was too busy being President and doing important President things.”
The alien is reportedly traumatised from its time spent in the Trump household, but is physically healthy. It is understood to have survived on gherkins discarded from the former president’s bedtime cheeseburgers.
It is being returned to Area 51 where it will be reunited with other members of its species.