Humanity wants just five more minutes before it gets on with reversing climate change, statistics reveal today.
A report released this week has deemed that large scale, effective and immediate action is necessary if climate change is to be stabilised and a global ecological disaster is to be averted.
Governments and populations around the world have been unanimously supportive of these suggestions, on the condition that any changes introduced won’t affect their daily lives in any way whatsoever.
Climate scientist and co-author Simon Williams told reporters, “The consensus among people now is that climate change can’t be that big a problem if we are still doing all of our normal things.
“Only when our lives are being curtailed will it become a problem for the current generation to sort out.
“It’s a bit like pressing the snooze button on an alarm clock, except that instead of being late for work, the result will be the complete annihilation of the human species.
“Which to be honest, from a climate perspective, would be ideal. Nothing would stop climate change in its tracks faster than all the people disappearing, except a few scientists to record the results and leave a record for whichever species evolves to discover the ruins of our failed civilisation.
“My money is on fishfolk, by the way.”