UK establishment nervously waiting for Nigel Farage to tell them what to do next

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The political, media, and business establishment in UK is said to be nervously awaiting instructions from Nigel Farage on what to do next.

“I just wish Mr Farage would just hurry up and tell us what we’re going to need to focus on next,” said Simon Williams, the CEO of a successful IT corporation.

“I was hoping to have a long weekend on an oligarch’s yacht, but if Mr Farage suddenly decides that Windows is woke or something, then I’m going to have to have it uninstalled from all our computers and then sack some people who I can blame for putting Windows on the computers.

“I just need to know what Mr Farage wants next.”

Awaiting instructions from Mr Farage was equally frustrating for the government.

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“I was hoping to have a long weekend on an oligarch’s yacht,” said Rishi Sunak, ‘Prime’ Minister.

“But if Mr Farage gets cross about something, then I might have to act quickly to sort out whatever has happened. I mean, God forbid Mr Farage is inconvenienced or bothered in any way, that absolutely doesn’t bear thinking about. It would just be awful.

“I suppose I’ll have to put that weekend off and just remain by my phone in case Mr Farage wants me to sort out anything for him.”

With Mr Farage’s impressive ability to mobilise the entire establishment into action at his whim, there had been a hope that he might use his power to alleviate poverty or act on climate change. However, when such a suggestion was put to his office, all that could be heard was gales of laughter.