England could still win The Ashes if they deprive Australia the opportunity to channel their great great great great grandparents

author avatar by 12 months ago

England won their first test match of the current Ashes series, after the Australian team were prevented from treating the spirit of the laws the same way their great great great great parents treated other actual laws.

After losing the Lord’s Test because Australian wicketkeeper Alex Carey decided to stump Jonny Bairstow – despite it being against the spirit of the laws of the game because he believed the over was complete – the England team ensured victory at Headingley by depriving the entire Australian team the opportunity to channel their ancestors.

With Australia forced not only to adhere to the laws of the game, but also denied the opportunity to skirt around the spirit of those laws, England secured a well-earned victory by three wickets, with two further Tests still remaining.

“We can win the Ashes, and we know what we need to do,” explained barmy army baritone, Simon Williams.

“We need to play well ourselves, and then make sure the Australians can’t bend any of the rules in their favour, like they are genetically predisposed to do.

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“If we can make sure the Aussies stick to the laws, even though we know they find it very difficult, then I think the only possible outcome is a 3-2 series victory to England and regaining The Ashes.

“And if we lose this series, it will only be because the Australians cheated. We might not be immediately able to spot how they cheated, but if they win, they definitely did.”

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