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Piers Morgan has been left apoplectic with fury after the announcement that Woakes had been called up to the England team for today’s Ashes test match.
“Must we have to suffer Woakes infiltrating our great game of cricket,” he bellowed, whilst sat in his pram with the floor surrounding it covered in toys.
“I am sick of it. You get a little bit of banter and the thought police turn up and insist on pushing Woakes onto the team, probably without giving them any choice in the matter. Ian Botham didn’t need Woakes, neither did Geoffrey Boycott, and we don’t need it now. Woakes is just fashionable nonsense.”
Lee Anderson, the thick person’s thick person, agreed.
He said, “I promise here and now that I will no longer be watching this, or any, test match until the EEC makes a pledge to remove Woakes from the team now and forever.
“Normal British sporting fans should be able to enjoy the sport that we invented, and gifted to the world before winning the world war, without having to suffer from Woakes guff!
“And now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get home in time to avoid the start of the cricket.”
GB News is understood to be planning a special day of angry, red-faced men spluttering in outrage to mark the inclusion of Woakes in the team.
