‘New Conservatives’ replaced as the newest voice of real Conservatives by ‘Newer Conservatives’

author avatar by 1 year ago

A new group of Conservative MPs, the Newer Conservatives, have come together to insist the government reduces the number of immigrants even further than the numbers proposed by the New Conservatives.

Backbench MP Simon Williams told us, “The New Conservatives had a good idea, but their execution was terrible, so I was left with no choice but to form the Newer Conservatives to really execute on our desire to reduce immigration.

“It’s all well and good calling for a reduction in the number of people who can come and work in our care homes, but that still means SOME of them will come in. We are the ONLY group calling for a blanket ban on immigration for all care workers.

“No, I am not prepared to answer questions about the tens of thousands of vacancies that already exist in that sector, I just want to make sure you put it in the headline that we’re calling for a “zero-tolerance stance on migration”. Our supporters really love that sort of talk. The details don’t matter.”

However, moments later, fellow back-bencher Derek Walden-Smythe told us, “Simon hasn’t even mentioned tax cuts, which is why I’m announcing that I am leaving the Newer Conservatives with immediate effect to form my own group, where we will put tax cuts front and centre alongside our zero-tolerance to migration.

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