Despite the perilous state of the country, British people have yet to make their feelings known in the form off mass protests. Although this perplexes many, the reason is quite simple – there’s far too much singing involved.
“My school’s in a terrible state, I haven’t seen a dentist since 2004, there’s one bus a week, the government is the most wretched bunch of incompetents in living memory. I mean, all things being equal, I’d be spending all day, every day out marching in furious protest about everything,” explained normal British person Simon Williams.
“It’s just the amount of singing I’ll be expected to do. From what I see on the news, you’re expected to do an awful lot of singing when you protest. I’m a bit self-conscious, and my singing voice isn’t what it used to be, and, honestly, it makes me cringe just thinking about it.
“If it were just shouting ‘Tories out’ then I’d probably be fine, but it does seem I’d be expected to stand awkwardly in a line holding a banner suggesting doing something unpleasant to Suella Braverman, singing a quite complicated set of lyrics to the tune of a Beach Boys song while being filmed for the six o’clock news.
“It’s a bit undignified. Can’t I just sign a petition or something?”
Whilst the singing is a concern for many British people, the violence involved in protests would appear to be far less off-putting.
“Oh no, that looks like brilliant fun,” said Williams.