Maybe you could rejoin Coutts if you ditched avocados and cancelled Netflix, entire nation tells Nigel Farage

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Nigel Farage has been told there are many ways to save money if you find yourself unable to afford the deposits required to be a customer of Coutts.

After his Coutts account was cancelled for falling below the deposit threshold required by the exclusive bank for the ultra-wealthy, Farage has been offered helpful advice by those on the receiving end of that same advice for the last few years.

35-year-old Simon Williams told us, “Whenever I’ve struggled to pay for anything, from my rail season ticket, to a house deposit, there have always been plenty of super-helpful right-wing blowhards telling me to give up avocados and cancel Netflix.

“I even had one tell me it was my own fault for buying a ‘flat screen TV’, as if it’s been possible to buy any other sort of television for over a decade.

“So, of course, upon hearing that Nigel Farage has fallen on slightly harder times than he’s used to, I felt obliged to offer him the same helpful advice I’ve been offered time and again as I repeatedly fail to get onto the housing ladder.

“These simple money-saving tips can help overcome significant financial hurdles, as I have been so considerately informed by people on social media.

“And if my advice fails – though how could it, given how many people believe it works – then I hear the deputy chairman of the Conservative Party has some excellent budget recipes he can try.”